2009

Okay, so...wow, where to begin? January is almost over, and I realize I haven't even posted anything since November. How life gets in the way! All seems to be going well on our end. Owen had his 18 month check up (at 21 months old), with a new pediatrician last Friday. She is wonderful, very supportive of our choice not to vaccinate AND to continue breastfeeding. Yeah! So, looks like he's just tiny for his age, but she isn't worried at all. At 21 months, he is 20 pounds (although mom's scale says 23) and is just a little over 30 inches tall. He's still in 12-18 month clothing, but is just the cutest thing ever in overalls. She said he's advanced in verbal (obviously he's a child genius), and that he seems to be doing well. Yeah!
For New Year's, we flew to Georgia and spent that time with Sean's dad and step mom and his two WONDERFUL amazing step sisters. I had an amazingly amazing time, and am sad that we're back home. Although, MJ is planning to spend her spring break from college with us, so I'm really excited.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching, spending time alone in thought, and really digging down deep, I've come to realize what some of the issues have been with my marriage, and with me trying so desperately hard to make it perfect, normal and pleasing to everyone else. Sorry to be a downer, but I'm not quite ready to reveal what this is, but everyone will know eventually. I'm still trying to work through this, and don't want to say anything prematurely.

On a happy, fun, great note, my sister Taylor, is due May 5 with a baby girl. So now, she'll have a boy AND a girl. It's time for a girl in the family, seeing that Owen was born in April of 2007, Bennett was born in August of 2007, and now, looks like Baby Girl will be born May 2009. Yeah for babies! I'm through with having kids, but so excited I get to spoil this new little girl.

I'll try to keep up with this blog more often. Work, life, family all gets in the way....ugh!
Happy 2009!

The New House

So, we've officially been at the new house for 7 days now. Owen hasn't slept more than 2 hours in a row since we moved. He's incredibly clingy, day and night. He wakes up about every hour to nurse, and has a really hard time falling back asleep. He wants to sleep ON me, as opposed to next to me. This is so different for my little guy, and I know the new house, new city, new surroundings are really throwing him off. I just wish I could make this transition easier for him.

Sean and I have enrolled Owen in Gymboree classes in Concord. It is so much fun to see all those 16-22 month olds running around. It's interesting to see the other 18 month olds, and see that they all have/are missing the same teeth Owen is. Owen LOVES the balls, and walked around the entire time holding a wiffle ball. He didn't quite know what to think of the big parachute at the end, but he enjoyed the bubble blowing. Most kids would run around and chase the bubbles. Owen would try to get the ones before they hit the floor. He spent a lot of time pointing at the bubbles and saying AHHH!!! His classes are on Saturday mornings with both Sean and I, and there is an "open- gym" on Thursday nights, which Sean will take him to. I'm so thankful that Sean is so involved in Owen's life. How lucky for Owen to have a dad that chooses to be involved.

And, in the "official" news section, our house has SOLD! Close of Escrow is December 11, and we are so thankful and grateful that this isn't a burden we have to shoulder any more. Even though we wouldn't admit it, the house was a huge stressor for Sean and I. It's almost like now that it has sold, and we're in a new house, our marriage is so strong...the way it USED to be. For this, I am so happy. I feel like my old self, and I'm loving every minute of my family life.

Well, this is also a sad day, because my youngest sister, Kat, is moving to Germany tomorrow. Her husband, Richard, is stationed there in the Army for a year, so Kat is going to be with her hubby. I'll miss her like crazy, but know she is so happy to be seeing her husband again after 2 months apart.

I'll try to keep this updated more often. Oh, Owen can now say "I Don't Know." Where does he learn these things?!?!

Moving/ Baby Signs/ Sleeping through the Night!

We're moving to a new house this weekend. Actually, we begin our move tomorrow and will finish up this weekend. Moving makes me crazy. Packing, unpacking, organizing, sorting, throwing away. I don't do well with change. Like, at all. I love to be comfortable in my surroundings. I feel calm when things are predictable. So, this is big for me.

We lost our house in this huge mortgage/economy crisis we're all in. We weren't able to refinance our home loan, because our home appraised for barely $200,000. We owe $318,000 on it. Fantastic. So, we're moving. I'm sad to lose our house...our first house we owned. At the same time, I know change is good and prevents you from becoming stagnant. I'll keep everyone informed how it goes.

On to Baby Signs. Owen has started signing to us some basic words: More, All Done, Eat and No. Funny this is, Sean and I don't sign to him. He's picked it up at Daycare from another child. You can imagine the look on our faces last night when Owen was frantically trying to sign something to us, and Sean and I were just staring at this child, no idea what he was trying to say to us. So, this morning as soon as we got to work, Sean and I did a Google Search on baby signs, and we've been cramming all morning like it's finals week in college. I've got Bird and Banana down perfectly!

And, on a GREAT note, last night, Owen slept through the night for the FIRST TIME. Yep, I said first time. He is now 18.5 months old. He is still cosleeping with us, and I'm still nursing him, so I was shocked when I woke up at 3:30 this morning to discover he was still asleep next to me. I thought for sure he was dead. (Scary, but true.) This is the child who nurses every 2 hours, and here he is in dream land next to me. Yeah!!

Thanksgiving is coming up, and I want to really take time to be grateful and thankful this year for all that we have. Even though we are losing our home, we are moving into a wonderful, family-oriented neighborhood with a good elementary school. We have each other and our health. We have a great, loving, supportive family. And we have a great, smart, wise-beyond-his-years son. Life is great. We are truly blessed.

My 29th Birthday

Well, I am now 29. One year until I hit the big 3-0. Mom says that 30 is the new 20, so looks like I'm now 19. (Love all this math just for a birthday.) Things feel like they are finally coming to a resting point in my life, though. I feel like for the past 2 years, my life has been in a sort of chaotic state, and things have been out of whack. It took us over a year to get pregnant with Owen. Through rounds of fertility drugs and charting and temperature taking. Then, my pregnancy was just a joy (haha). I was all-day sick the first 4 or so months. Then, by the time I finally got used to being fat and happy, I had Owen early. He had colic the first 4 months of his life, and just when he was settling down, I had to go back to work. I got a temporary promotion at work, and that was difficult for me. New department, new manager, new coworkers. I'm now back in my permanent position, Owen is thriving and doing great, and my marriage is getting stronger. We hit a rocky period, and after marriage counseling on my end (I'm actually still going), turns out I have issues. But, then again, who DOESN'T have issues?! From all of this, I'm learning and growing and becoming a better wife. It's my goal to be a better wife, a better mother. It's also my goal to make my last year in my 20's my BEST one yet. I'm more secure with myself and who I am and what I want.
Well, off to do some work this morning. My lovely coworkers have brought in pastries and cupcakes and flowers for me. Yep, my best year yet.

Sean's Hurt Foot = Erin is tired

Sean hurt his foot last Monday night. Like, REALLY hurt his foot. A realtor was coming over at 6:00 to show our house, so we were getting ready to leave for the hour. Sean was worried someone would trip over our cable line in the bedroom, so he was taking it out of the wall. Owen decided this was precisely the time to roll on the bed, and off the edge. I caught him by an ankle, yelled for Sean, who then leapt across our room, over the bed, and caught Owen. As he pulled Owen to safety, he began screaming in pain that his foot was broken. After I called my mom (isn't that what you do in emergencies?), I got an ice pack for his foot. I was just in auto-pilot mode at this point. (Side note: Owen did NOT fall off the bed.) My mom and dad showed up at our house, and my dad helped Sean down the stairs and into the car, on the way to the ER. So, there we are, Mom, Dad, Sean, Owen and I, hanging out in the ER. Kaiser is known for long waits, so Mom and I took this opportunity to grab some dinner in the cafeteria.

After several sets of x-rays, poking, prodding and Sean saying he was about to pass out from the pain, it was determined that his bones BENT in the wrong place. They didn't break, but just got bent. Ouch. The doctor said that Sean jumped so hard and so fast to get Owen, that instead of the foot bending at the ball (like on your tip toes), it bent in the middle. They sent us home with Codeine, crutches and a boot.

It's been a week. I am exhausted. Sean's foot looks a lot better, but I know he is still in pain. Codeine did nothing, so he's now taking Tylenol or Motrin, depending on his mood. He is hobbling around the house on his crutches, but still is using a shower seat to take a shower in the mornings. Poor Sean.

With one parent disabled, for the time being, I have to really step it up. And it makes me tired. And sad. And depressed. I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself while all this is going on with Sean. Maybe because I'm secretly jealous he gets a break from parenting, a hall pass to not have to change diapers or prepare lunches or clean up the dishes after dinner. A permanent fixture on our couch, he has become. Foot propped up on a pillow with an ice pack. And it makes me sad. Owen wants a cracker, Mom gets it. Owen has a dirty diaper, Mom changes it. Owen is tired, Mom gets him to sleep. Owen decides he's had enough green beans and dumps the plate on the floor, Mom picks it up. Mom misses one green bean and there is an attack of ants. Mom cleans it up. Gross. Sean needs Motrin, Mom gets that, along with a cup of really cold apple juice. Sean needs to go to the bathroom, Mom helps Sean off the couch, hands him crutches, and holds her breath while he jumps up the stairs.

Yesterday, I really had had it. I did grocery shopping, Target shopping, put gas in the car, cleaned the litter box and did laundry....all while my dear hubby sits motionless on the couch, watching some crappy movie on tv. I know, I know...this sounds so incredibly heartless. And maybe at this point, I am heartless. I'm tired. I want to pee without Owen. I almost want to just get in my car and drive. Or take a nap. Alone.

I'm hoping, wishing and praying that his foot will feel better soon. Not only for Sean, but for me, too. I just need a break.

Chiropractic Care

When I was 9, I started gymnastics. I took in Ardmore, OK at Kippers Gymnastics. Way back in the day, our gym was in the store room of the TG&Y. That was a long time ago. Anyways, my coach, Hope Ritter, noticed that my spine was a little crooked, nothing much, but suggested to my mom I get it checked out. So, my mom, two sisters, grandpa and I went to the OKC Children's Hospital for x-rays. The doctor told my mom that I had scoliosis, but the curve was so slight, that it would never amount to anything. I continued with gymnastics and thought nothing of it.

My sophomore year of high school, I started having horrible lower back and hip pain. I went to our pediatrician, who said it was just muscle pain. She gave me pain pills and sent me on my way.

When my mom's job changed, so did our insurance. I started going to Kaiser, again having horrible back and hip pain. Again, it was muscle pain. When Sean and I lived in New Orleans, I would swear to you that it felt at times my leg was going to pop out of my hip socket. My then doctor said that was impossible, and had me do blood work to test for arthritis. Of course, it came back negative. So, he suggested I was just weak in my hips and sent me to physical therapy. It only made things worse.

After Owen was born, the pain was horribly unbearable. I would have pain shooting from my lower back all the way down to the back of me knee. Nothing would help it. Not Tylenol. Not ice packs. Not a hot bath. It hurt to lay down, it hurt to sit, to walk...nothing relieved the pain.

On a whim, Sean suggested I try a chiropractor. Since Kaiser told me to carry Owen on the other hip and wanted to give me Vicodin (which you can't take anyways if you're breastfeeding!), I thought, why not. It can't be any worse than what I'm going through now!

My first appointment was on a Friday morning with Dr. Heidi Olson, here in Concord, CA. The office was so incredibly friendly that I thought I must be in the wrong place. The medical assistant spent more time getting my health history than Kaiser had spent with me in 10 years. Dr. Olson wanted to do a set of x-rays, and I was to come back the following Monday.

Monday arrived and Sean and I went to the appointment, while my mom watched Owen. Turns out, I have 2 fused vertebrae in my neck and my scoliosis was so bad that the middle of my spine didn't even touch the "midline" of the x-ray. My hips were 10mm off in height, so that's why all the pain in my hips. I was told that I basically had the skeletal system of an 80 year old woman. I had a lot of degenerated discs, a lot of exposed nerves and a lot of bone-on-bone, which would cause anyone pain. First off, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. And secondly, FINALLY an answer to my pain. In all my years with Kaiser, no one had taken x-rays to see what the real problem was. They just assumed it was in my head, or muscular pain, not actually bones touching bones.

So, I've been going for a little over 2 months now, 3 times a week for adjustments. I can honestly tell you that I haven't felt this great in such a long time. I was casually mentioning to Dr. Olson that I had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. We had to use 2 fertility drugs in order to conceive Owen. I HATED using the drugs, but my want for a child was so strong and I felt I had no other option. Dr. Olson said it didn't surprise her that I had trouble conceiving. There is a definite "curve" in my spine, and where it is and where the nerves are that are being compressed are the nerves that control the female reproductive organs. Aha! It was all beginning to make sense.

In my journey, I hope to be curve free and get rid of the "sagging" shoulders look. My neck sticks out way too far, and it's all because of the curvature of my spine. So, it's not that I have bad posture or I'm too lazy to pull my shoulders back. At this point, I literally can't. But, I'm seeing improvement and I'm so hopeful for my future!

If anyone in the Northern California area needs a good chiropractor, contact me and I will give you Dr. Olson's information. She has become such a positive influence in my life!

The Frustratrations of Raising a Wonderful Child

I am frustrated. I am stressed. I am even a little angry. Some may be quick to say that I'm being too hard on myself, but you must realize that I pride myself on being the "prefect" parent, even though there is no such thing.
Owen is teething. Majorly. I'm fully expecting 17 teeth to pop through in the next day. Because of this, he wants to be comforted. And to be comforted, he wants to nurse. A lot. I don't mind the nursing part, but when I look at the clock and see it's 10:20 and I know I started nursing him before 9:30, I get frustrated. "I'm done!" I want to say to him, although he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I unlatch him, he cries hysterical like I'm cutting off his arm or something. I latch him back on, he falls asleep. I unlatch him, cries hysterical again. The cycle continues.
I was at my wit's end last night. I'm stressed already because of the following: We are trying to sell our house. No one wants to buy a house right now. Paperwork for foreclosure is being started. 7 year bad mark on credit report. No house. We are slowly making the transition to have me stay home with Owen, and I'm mad that it's not happening as quickly as I want it to. I hate that Owen is in daycare. I hate that someone else is raising my child for me. I hate that this other person gets to have fun with Owen and laugh with him, while I get him during sleepy time and cranky time. I feel guilty for even sending him to daycare and hate going to work each day. I would say I am close to tears each day leaving the house. Some days I do cry. It's so hard for me.

Last night, after the hour long marathon nursing session, I finally get him to sleep. I have a huge headache by this time and am contemplating committing myself because I'm so stressed. If famous people can take a personal hiatus, why can't an overworked mom? After my lavendar bubble bath and 2 Motrin, I go into the bedroom. Owen is sprawled out like an X on my side of the bed. Sean is snoring. I get a blanket and curl up at the end of our bed with Brody, our cat. An hour later, Owen wakes up to nurse. 2 hours later, he wants to nurse again. 40 minutes later, my alarm goes off. Swell. Another night of no sleep.

I sometimes feel it would be so much easier if I just didn't care. How easy would it be to just let him cry it out? Or to give him a bottle? Or just let daycare feed him canned spaghetti o's? I could never do these things though. These are my main reasons for wanting to stay home with Owen. He should never have to cry it out. He is crying for a reason! And bottles are full of crap. And why is America overweight? Sure, it's not fully to be blamed on canned Spaghetti 's, but it's a contributing factor. I want him to have organic, natural, pure, fresh food.

So, in my darkest hour, I look at my angel, sleeping with this little smile on his face. And I realize that all of my anger and frustration isn't because of OWEN. I realize it's me that needs to change. And, it's not Owen I'm mad at. It's more the behavior.

So, where to go from here? Have a good cry. Feel sorry for myself. Suck it up, and know that shortly, I will be home with my son, and this will all fall by the wayside. Not to be forgotten, but to be a reminder of how wonderful of a child I'm raising.